Something Awful on "Hide your shame"

LTCrowley posted:

- Cough when you're farting. Try to fart while walking by a group of people.

- Carry toilet paper/tissues if you're going jogging along a route that has no public toilets.

- Be prepared to sacrifice a sock/item of underwear if you're stuck in a public toilet without wipes.

- Huge quivering blood engorged erection pulsating and throbbing like a cheap special effect? If sitting down is not an option, you can employ the superbad belt flick or hold a jacket/bag etc infront of your bulge. Depending on the len-duration of the event you could always tie your shoe,bend over and fuss with something on your shoe etc.
Once I had one that was pretty impressive but no way of hiding it so I just stuffed my hand down my pants and acted like I had this enormous erection. I got lucky, as a friend of mine started dirty dancing on me, so that worked ok. Yeah. Obviously I was fourteen at the time.

- Wet your pants? Spill a drink on yourself immediately. This works the same way if you realise you have some other body fluid showing somewhere. Match colours, if you can.

- Snot filled palm? Wipe it into your pocket.

Diversion is always the key to getting away with this stuff in public. I consider myself somewhat of an improvised hygiene ninja.